The months go by

Bob got to Hazleton in August and I rarely heard from him during his stay there. When he arrived he was "Engaged" to a former call girl or whatever she was. They obviously were never serious especially after they took the trip to Tahiti and things went from bad to worse for Bob's health when she was sneaking vodka into his hospital room.

I'm sure the doctors had Bob trying to sort out all the chaos he had created from his last slip. I do know that he had counted on her to help get all his things out of the house he rented in Studio City after he had trashed it. Of course the one thing you can always count on with the element that he had been associating with is that they could not be trusted. So one day I did get a call from him asking if I could please contact this woman and see if I could get his paintings back from her. She had shipped him his clothes minus all his valuable leather jackets and of course the artwork was also not included. When I finally did reach her she was arrogant and flippant. She told me to mind my own business and not bother her again. Bob's first wife also had spoken to her and tried to reason with her to just give back the paintings. She was not successful either. So that was a lesson he had learned.

It was part of the consequences of his drinking and using. He tended to loose everything he owed of any value but this time he was lucky that he got out with his life, thats how far gone he was when he got there.

So the months seemed to fly by and his birthday, October 27th, came and went. I tried to call him at the hospital to wish him a happy birthday and they told me he had been released. I felt a knife stab deep in my gut. I tried calling information and there was no listing for him. I felt a deep loss and was convinced that I would probably never hear from him again. The last time I spoke to him he asked me if I was seeing anyone and I told him that I was. Actually I was just dating, but I did not want to open a door to enable him again so I was very sure to let him know that things were not the same between us after all he did get "engaged" to someone else during the previous months and I felt it was best to let things remain as they were.
I was just trying to be strong to not cave in, I had to let him go. When we got off the phone I just broke down and sobbed. It didn't matter that I was sitting at my desk at work. I was so heart broken but it was important to be strong, for the both of us if we were ever going to get well. Either one of us. We had to learn how to not be in love or together.

A funny thing happens when you put that much thought and energy into someone you care about, they contact you or you just "Happen" to run into them someplace. And sure enough one morning around 7:30 the phone rang, it was Bob. I couldn't believe it. All I could say to him was how happy I was to hear from him. I told him I had been trying to call him on his birthday and could not find him. I felt so relieved just to hear his voice. A sense of wholeness engulfed my entire body. The missing link to my happiness was in place. I just threw caution to the wind. No more being strong or tough. I just had to be honest. There were no games going to be played this time. I loved this man and he needed to know that there was one person besides his dad that could love him and forgive him unconditionally.
He had been sober for four months this time. One of the longest stretches of sobriety he had reached in severall years. I was overcome with a renewed sense of hope. Genuine hope. Bob had bottomed out. He had lost everthing, including his digity when he was living in the desert. He was sincere about rebuilding his life. I heard it in his voice, I felt it in my body. It was different this time.

So started the beginning of the rest of my life.