Matt's Off to Japan

Matt was leaving for Japan in just a few hours and already I was freaking out. It simply was a very scary day for me.
As I mentioned I had not spent more than a weekend in the same house with his father since last August, it was now June.

I kept my cool the entire time that we were together in the Airport. Looking back how lucky I was that this was before 9-11.
We actually got to spend the two hours with him at the Airport before his plane took off. The moment he was no longer in site to me, going through the final boarding gate, I fell apart.

I was inconsolable, I could not stop crying and literally did not want to talk to his father if I could help it. First of all, I was not totally prepared for Matt to be flying across the world at 15, he had been our constant companion his entire life. Second,
I did not know what to expect from being alone with his Dad. That was equally as terrifying to me.

We walked away from Matt's gate, and headed to another airline and boarded a plane back to Los Angeles. I wasn't even happy
to be going back to the Malibu house. What would my house be like without the most important aspect of it? Without Matt home, it simply wasn't a home.

It seemed like it took forever to get back to Malibu. Between the hour flight, the hour long limo drive and all of my mixed emotions, I was exhausted when we walked into the door. It was no later than 4pm and I went to bed. I could not speak and I knew if I were awake all hell would break loose. Bob really had no tolerance for not being spoken to unless I wasn't awake.

I must say, he was so kind and understanding, I certainly didn't expect it. I wasn't really thinking about how he was feeling, because he hadn't spent that much time with him the past school year. I on the other hand was with him every day. I felt like someone had ripped my guts out and locked me in a cage.

All I could think about was, "how could I have allowed him to go?" Then logic would set in and I would remember how proud of him I was. I just had to wait it out until he called. I would have to wait for almost 20 hours. It was an eternity I can assure you.
So I slept, or pretended to be asleep until that call came.

It was sometime in the middle of the night when the phone rang. Bob of course was not sleeping, and jumped for the phone.
There was no need to wake me, I was awake, just thanking the Lord above that he had made it.

The moment I heard Matt's voice I felt better. He was so sweet and he was apologizing for taking so long to call home,
What I realized at that moment as he was telling me how he had managed to change trains and translate for the two girls he was with in order to get from the Airport to the city they were going to, that he would be fine. Even at 15 he had the sensibility and the experience to navigate his way around an airport and a train station. At that moment I was so happy that we had traveled with him all those years. He was a very savvy traveler indeed.

He told me that he had been to a special dinner, honoring Him and the two girls at a temple someplace. He said that he had been sining Karaoke and been given sake to drink as a customary welcome. I was so happy. It was so wonderful to hear the joy and excitement in his voice, I was relieved. He hung up and for the first time in oh so many hours, I was ok and talked to
Bob about what Matt had told me. We were both relieved.

I know it's weird because we were only going to be apart for a little over a month but at the time it seemed like those weeks and days would never end. We didn't do anything special while Matt was gone, just hung around the house, went to AA meetings, dinners, movies and I of course made myself very busy fixing up the deck, painting etc. Busy work.

Bob was Bob. He started his day late, had breakfast took a book out to the pool and worked on his tan. Then he would go to the gym and come back shower and we would go out for dinner, movies or whatever.

It never dawned on me at that point just how boring our days really were. Before we left to go up North, I had started a little design company. I was always so busy hand beading beautiful silk velvet throws, but that pretty much ended when we moved.
I actually had to search for things to do. Too much time on my hand was never a good thing. I was great at avoiding conflict.
Bob did not have much sobriety under his belt and was always just on the verge of yet another dry drunk. I lived on egg shells.

He was pretty much on his best behavior, maybe he missed me while we were away, who knows? All I know was that I was grateful for the serenity and did not tempt rocking the boat.

Now that we had moved Matt to a school in Northern California, the only friends we seemed to have left around Malibu were Bob's AA friends. I liked them all alot, but because he had been slipping on and off, he didn't want to hang out with any of them. He always felt he was being judged by them. Who knows why. I never really knew how much drinking or pill use he really was into that first year. All I know is that he wasn't drinking at the moment and I was grateful it didn't come up again.

The end of July came around very fast and it was time to return to Northern California to pick Matt and his host student.
The way the exchange program went was Matt went to stay at a home and then return with the boy he had stayed with.
Of course I was more than ready to get back there.

We went a few days early and cleaned the house and filled the refrigerator with a ton of food for their return. The two girls Matt had traveled with were also coming back with the kids they stayed with. Everyone was once again at the Airport together
waiting. We made plans with the other families to get all the students together again before we took Matt and his friend back to LA. Little did I know that Matt had told everyone that they could all come to Malibu with us and see our Studio.

You have to understand just how excited those kids were to go to Hollywood and then to top it off, they were going to get a private tour of the Sunset Gower Studios by this kid's family. Of course I had no idea that was in the works until they all landed.
When Matt finally came off the plane and into customs it seemed like an hour had passed but there he was. He had lost about
15 pounds. It's not that he was heavy before, but I wasn't ready to see him so thin. He had a strange look on his face as he hugged us and said hello.

He later told me that it was weird hearing our voices and English again. The city he had been in he had little opportunity to either hear anyone speak English or even speak it himself. He was sort of displaced. Culture shock I guess not to mention their hours were all messed up. Matt and Takou were exhausted. When they got home they barely stayed awake for an hour and both crashed. Bob and I were once again left alone in a sense. Only now we were in Foster City, a place that he had never felt comfortable, a place where he was on shaky ground. I could sense the rumblings of discomfort going on in his head. The times were changing, I knew it.

The peaceful Summer so far was coming to a close. I didn't know how he was going to deal with 6 teens in the house at one time, let alone be their tour guide. It was going to be interesting for sure.