Nothing prepared me for this

I was thinking back about all the events that happened after that surgery and the rest of the "recovery" process from that. prepared

What choice does anyone with a physical ailment have. It simply cannot be ignored because the treatment involves medication.
There is so little one can do once this cycle begins.
I have known so many people who were clean and sober that have been put on pain killers when they go to get "Fixed" They get fixed alright, but it' more like getting a fix, as in the street lingo.

So what you may say and you are right. A life of Russian Roulette begins. Can they take the pain med without going off the deep end? There are no real answers many are fine and so many others are not fine. No one want to even begin to think about the numbers, but it is well known in AA that the odds are not in the addicts favor if they need to take meds. They are advised to have someone monitor the pills, but after a while it's up to the individual.

In my life my addict could simply not stay sober no matter how hard he tried.
After, Back surgery, there was knee surgery, then another knee surgery, then last but not least the one that finally took him out. Hemorrhoid surgery.
That all took place within two years.
I used to wonder if Bob was getting these surgeries to get the meds, that was except for his back surgery.
It was a revolving door of hospital stays and surgeries, all with the benefit of powerful meds.
Of course he had the "EXCUSE" he needed to use them and not give up his sobriety date. At this time he wasn't really going to AA meetings so no one was actually thinking like that.

One day the unthinkable happened at least unthinkable to me.

Bob went to the office, had an argument with his Dad and walk across the street to the drug store and bought himself a small airline size bottle of Vodka. His and our lives would never be the same from that moment on.

Later that evening we had plans to meet for a Volleyball game at Pepperdine. I talked to him and he was so different on the phone, he was angry, said he would not be coming and he would see us later.

Our son and I went to the game, and when we got home Bob was asleep on the sofa in our room. That was odd, because he was a notorious light sleeper, actually an insomniac.

The next day he slept until after three in the afternoon. I knew in my soul something was terribly wrong but I didn't dare think it was because he started to drink. But I knew it.

He got up and showered and got really dressed up to go out. Bob never went out at night without us, We had not had a fight, had not been fighting or anything like that. I took one look at him and I just knew what was going on. He had started drinking.

I didn't have a fight with him or anything. I told him years ago that if he chose to drink again, I would not be there to watch it again.
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I kissed him goodbye when he got ready to go. It was so surreal didn't think I had it in me to just watch him walk out the door to start a journey into hell. There was nothing I could do to stop him I had learned that from experience his life was his own to ruin. Plus he had not admitted that he had picked up that first drink yet, he didn't have the heart to tell me that the fourteen years without a sip was over. I guess I didn't want to push it because in my soul I wasn't sure if that promise I made to myself when we got married was going to hold up.

Could I really leave him for this. When I made that promise when we got married, I didn't realize I would have someone else to think about. Matt. Our son just adored his father, they had such a great bond and a wonderful relationship. I had to ask myself could I pull the plug on our lives. I simply need time to think, I was so stunned by what was happening.

Needless to say Bob did not come home that night. He did not call or anything. Now I knew for sure it was over. I was sick to my stomach.

The next day my brother in law phoned me. He told me that Bob was at the office with some of his AA friends. I said "What AA friends" He told me Megan and some guy whose name I have since forgotten.

I told him point blank, Bob had not been to an AA meeting in years and if he had I would have recognized the name. It was all a lie,
He also told me that Bob told him that we were getting a divorce.

I wasn't mad which was interesting to myself. I knew the Jekyll and Hyde personality of Bob when he drank. I simply told his brother that his entire story was a lie. Bob was fine two days ago, not this. It was then that my brother in law told me of the fight Bob had had with his dad. It all became so clear to me at least.
It was a Thursday night, and you may wonder how I could possibly remember that well, Bob didn't come home again the next night and on Friday morning my brother in law phoned me again.
He told me that Bob had called him and asked him for help After all he had fourteen years under his belt. I felt he could get past this, so did his brother, if we could just get him into a rehab center.

His brother made several calls that day and finally got him int Daniel Freeman Hospital, the same place that Curt Cobain had been before he took his life. I really didn't care where he went, I just knew that the odds of making it out alive were not good. Historically, a person who resume drinking after so many years of abstinence had a very good chance of dying.
His brother was in constant contact with Meagan that day, thinking that she would keep her word of getting him to the hospital.
Well, they had other plans for the day,
They rented a limo and spent the day going to a Meditation Center off of Sunset Blvd and they then went to Gladstones for dinner and more drinks. All on Bob's charge card of course.
Bob's brother and I were on needles and pins the entire day. Bob hadn't checked in and at times we didn't know where he was.
By early evening he finally showed up, sicker than a dog, to check himself in.
That was Friday night.
I went to see him on Monday, What I saw was unbelievable, he had lost fifteen pounds, had to have a 24hour nurse because he was having grand maul seizures. He was simply lucky to be alive.

If I was calm the night he left to go out,I was now devistated. I hadn't figured that he would spend three days with some woman, announce to his family that he was getting a divorce etc. What happened to our great family? How did this go from see you latter to I'm getting a divorce all without a fight or a hint. What we lost during those three days would never be regained.

TRUST
What had kept us together for all those years just flew out the window. I had excused all his behaviour before we were married, but this was a fatal blow to my heart and my trust. I always said that without Trust a couple has nothing.
That was how I felt. We had nothing left to hang on to. All was not forgiven this time. We were married, this was inexcusable to me. He would never had forgiven me for this type of behavior and that was the bottom line.

I felt my heart break, I really tried to be strong, for me, our son and even for him and his recovery, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, regardless of how the marriage turned out. I would never be the same after this. I had every reason to feel this way, the future would reveal itself one moment at a time from this day forward.

That was his disease in a nut shell. Put a drink in him and you never knew what you were going to get.
That was exactly why I did not want to go through a live like that with him again, but I did take all those years for granted. I believed his desire to stay sober was real, I still do, but I didn't really understand that for two years with all the medication, Bob wasn't really sober. That was hard to swallow.
All the mood swings should have given me a good look at what was happening, but I was to afraid to even go down that road. I simply preferred to ignore the signs and gamble on the fact that he hadn't picked up a drink yet.

I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING AND AT THE SAME TIME I SAW IT ALL.