While Matt was adjusting to his new life up North so was I. Funny how the little things that I used to take for granted were so difficult to find.
I couldn't seem to find my way in the sea of complicated "Rich Wife's" of the Silicon Valley. Now that should be a movie or a reality show because I have never seen such a bunch of uptight women in my life.
Fist of all the fact that a woman marries money does not in my opinion warrant any type of respect. I was used to hanging out in the PTA with my idol, Pat Benetar. Now that was someone I could really admire and respect.
I found that up in Northern California you seemed to be the sum and substance of you frickin zip code. Even the head master at the school looked at me funny when I told him we were living in Foster City. Ohhhhhh forgive me if it doesn't fit into the profile of the elite. I took great pleasure in NOT telling people anything about our house in Malibu. I wanted them to get to know me for me, it didn't seem important to throw that into the mix or tell them that our family owned the Sunset Gower Studios because I had a really funny experience with telling that fact to a piano salesman up there.
Our best friend Bill who was Bob's closest friend from the days they actually went to Menlo as boarding students and then off to Stanford together called Bob one day because something had come up about me in a staff meeting. Seems that one of the Spanish teacher's at the school was married to the man who came over to tune the new piano we bought for Matt.
She was sitting next to Bill at the meeting and when Matt came up, she leaned over and whispered in his ear that her husband had heard him play the piano brilliantly and it was too bad that his Mother was a Porn Producer.
Bill pulled her out of the meeting and wanted to know where she heard that one from. She told him her husband had told her.
Little did she know that we were best friends. Bill called Bob without telling me to have a meeting with the man who was spreading these rumors around.
Bob flew up and had the meeting with Bill and the guy. The objective was to have him apologize and take back the statements his wife was spreading. Being a Latin man with such a large ego, he simply refused. He felt that there was no damage caused because the story had not leaked into the school yet.
Bob was furious. He tried to reason with the man and asked him how he would feel if his wife's reputation was being ruined by a ridiculous fantasy that the piano salesman had made up.
It seems that because, not to boast, but I am quite stunning to look at for the area compared to many of the woman I've seen up there myself. The salesman had never heard of our Studio and simply assumed I had to be into the porn industry because I can be somewhat Sexy at times. But how sexy could I have been in my sweats offering the piano tuner a glass of water and asking him if he had any kids and did they play the piano?
Lecherous men would have ruined my son's reputation at school and this guy could have cared less. He refused to apologize and walked away from the meeting.
Bill went to the Head Master and told him what had been said about me. Just so it would not get around the school.
My reputation was left intake but my feelings for the place were now on high alert.
I was stunned quite frankly, I had never met this woman and she was more than willing to gossip about me and my son. How dare she.
This wasn't the first time I had dealings with a woman up at the school. When I first started I had gone to a meeting to get involved with the Fund raising committee. I had so many years of experience with that in Malibu I thought I could just walk in and get started helping. Boy was I wrong. The woman who's committee I was with only wanted the title and she delegated most of the work to me. Now I didn't have a problem helping, but I had only been in the area for four weeks and I simply could not do everything she asked me to do. I asked her why she wasn't doing any of the stuff herself. She was livid that I would question her. Seems she had more important things to do like run for some position on the city council. This title was just a feather in her cap and she didn't have time for the work involved.
She didn't know who I was or how little I was about to eat shit from her. I busted her to the Chairman of the committee and resigned. I told her she would have to do the work herself, I wasn't her personal slave.
That was the end of my formal involvement at the higher levels of school activities.
I realized that I was too blond, too hot and too popular with the kids to be accepted at this place. I was just happy to sit in the circle after school waiting to pick up my son with the top down on my car, holding court. Matt would come out of class and sometimes pick me up and twirl me around, His friends loved us. We were a breath of fresh air to that stuffy little world of the elite. Thank God we didn't fit in. No matter how much plaid I wore, I was never going to be a Prep Mom. I didn't have the pedigree or the right mailing address. So now we were both free to be ourselves. We were different and happy to be so.
We had to find a way to be happy there and NOT fit in. We didn't like what we saw up there.
I used to call the area one big makeover disaster. I never saw so many people who needed a makeover as bad as up there. I didn't even try to have any friends up there beside Bill, Nancy and Angie. It was a lot easier to hide the fact that we really were a dysfunctional family just trying to get our son a great education. I can only imagine what the talk would have been if the school community really knew the truth.
January 13, 2008
Matt's First Year at Menlo
It was a difficult first year for Matt. He had really thought we would be living in the heart of San Francisco in some amazing high rise condo with City views. Instead we were in a middle class neighborhood in "Foster Shitty" as I used to call it.
Far cry from our home in Malibu. We planted ourselves in the middle of a tract house section of the Peninsula side of the City.
Matt of course had left all his friends behind and didn't really fit into the prep school attitude, which turned out to be one of the best things for him.
First thing he told me was that there was no way in hell that he was going to cut his hair, wear khaki pants and brown shoes to school. I didn't care, I just wanted him to be himself. So off he would go with his black leather jackets and his shades on everyday.
On the weekends I made an effort to go up to the city every weekend. We would find ourselves in Japan town having dinner, buying Japanese videos, going to the movies and sometimes going to JapanBowl and bowling. It's gone now, but it was really cool.
I just immersed him in his passion for all things Japanese he did love that part of it.
He was starting to be noticed in school by his peers for being really cool and different. He just has that very cool vibe to him.
He became friends with this amazing upperclassman student in his Japanese Class. Nicole would have a very lasting effect on him. She was the first person to actually recognize his humor and encouraged him to try out for Drama. It's a good thing he was so smitten with her because that was the beginning of him actually finding his passion.
One day Matt came home and asked me to cut his hair short, I was pretty surprised by his request. I asked him how short and he said "really short". I found out later that Nicole, who had this beautiful long red hair halfway down her back had cut it all off. He would follow suit. She inspired him it seems. They became friends, but in high school the age difference is too great for a freshman to date an upperclassman and that is all it would ever be.
His school was so different from Malibu, There was a lot going on socially there because it wasn't isolated like he was used to and little by little he started doing stuff with some of his friends. He also started to take Kendo, a martial art that he was always interested in. I will never forget the first class he attended. The instructor had them do over one hundred strokes with their "shenei swords" Made out of bamboo, it was long and not too heavy, but after all those strokes, he couldn't move his arm for a week. He loved it and stuck it out for a year.
He didn't forget his best friend from Malibu and invited her to go to the Prom with him even. I knew he missed our house but he did seem to be thriving more than he ever did in Malibu. He was no longer isolated at home in front of his computer screen.
The thing that impressed me most about this school was the fact that they actually took an interest in every child in the school and would have staff meetings to discuss how a kid was doing.
One of the first things that came to my attention about how Bad his education at Malibu High was the day I got a call from the Math department. Seems the advanced Math that was taught to him in Malibu simply did not prepare him for the math class he was placed in. I told the school that I would not allow Matt to be punished and put back into a lower math class for the inadequacies of his former school The math teacher there who had a Phd. From Stanford tutored him for six months and he was now up to speed in the class. I didn't have to pay for her services, that's how concerned they were about his progress.
Matt's Japanese teacher also really took to him. She was so blown away with the fact that he came into her class with no formal training and understood the language and could speak it. At first he didn't want to let her know just how much he understood without her help. He was a little bit shy about it, but she did encourage him and even entered him in the Japanese contest up North which he placed in the top three. The only Caucasian to do so. She submitted him for the rotary club's exchange program and he was chosen. He got to go to Japan for six weeks and live with a family there. It was a remarkable year for us all.
Bob and I were so proud of him and not even our drama could interfere with all Matt's accomplishments. At the end of his first year of school Matt was given several awards which were a very big deal at this school.
The Love of Learning Award
The Japanese Language Award etc.
With all these accolades there was another bit of drama that was going on in the background for me that year. I had never been involved in a private school before. Matt had only gone to public schools where the parents, especially in Malibu were really cool. After all, there are plenty of celebrities and wealthy people all around town, I wasn't impressed by the Silicon Valley money nor the uptight attitude of some of the parents. Boy was I ever in for a surprise.
Far cry from our home in Malibu. We planted ourselves in the middle of a tract house section of the Peninsula side of the City.
Matt of course had left all his friends behind and didn't really fit into the prep school attitude, which turned out to be one of the best things for him.
First thing he told me was that there was no way in hell that he was going to cut his hair, wear khaki pants and brown shoes to school. I didn't care, I just wanted him to be himself. So off he would go with his black leather jackets and his shades on everyday.
On the weekends I made an effort to go up to the city every weekend. We would find ourselves in Japan town having dinner, buying Japanese videos, going to the movies and sometimes going to JapanBowl and bowling. It's gone now, but it was really cool.
I just immersed him in his passion for all things Japanese he did love that part of it.
He was starting to be noticed in school by his peers for being really cool and different. He just has that very cool vibe to him.
He became friends with this amazing upperclassman student in his Japanese Class. Nicole would have a very lasting effect on him. She was the first person to actually recognize his humor and encouraged him to try out for Drama. It's a good thing he was so smitten with her because that was the beginning of him actually finding his passion.
One day Matt came home and asked me to cut his hair short, I was pretty surprised by his request. I asked him how short and he said "really short". I found out later that Nicole, who had this beautiful long red hair halfway down her back had cut it all off. He would follow suit. She inspired him it seems. They became friends, but in high school the age difference is too great for a freshman to date an upperclassman and that is all it would ever be.
His school was so different from Malibu, There was a lot going on socially there because it wasn't isolated like he was used to and little by little he started doing stuff with some of his friends. He also started to take Kendo, a martial art that he was always interested in. I will never forget the first class he attended. The instructor had them do over one hundred strokes with their "shenei swords" Made out of bamboo, it was long and not too heavy, but after all those strokes, he couldn't move his arm for a week. He loved it and stuck it out for a year.
He didn't forget his best friend from Malibu and invited her to go to the Prom with him even. I knew he missed our house but he did seem to be thriving more than he ever did in Malibu. He was no longer isolated at home in front of his computer screen.
The thing that impressed me most about this school was the fact that they actually took an interest in every child in the school and would have staff meetings to discuss how a kid was doing.
One of the first things that came to my attention about how Bad his education at Malibu High was the day I got a call from the Math department. Seems the advanced Math that was taught to him in Malibu simply did not prepare him for the math class he was placed in. I told the school that I would not allow Matt to be punished and put back into a lower math class for the inadequacies of his former school The math teacher there who had a Phd. From Stanford tutored him for six months and he was now up to speed in the class. I didn't have to pay for her services, that's how concerned they were about his progress.
Matt's Japanese teacher also really took to him. She was so blown away with the fact that he came into her class with no formal training and understood the language and could speak it. At first he didn't want to let her know just how much he understood without her help. He was a little bit shy about it, but she did encourage him and even entered him in the Japanese contest up North which he placed in the top three. The only Caucasian to do so. She submitted him for the rotary club's exchange program and he was chosen. He got to go to Japan for six weeks and live with a family there. It was a remarkable year for us all.
Bob and I were so proud of him and not even our drama could interfere with all Matt's accomplishments. At the end of his first year of school Matt was given several awards which were a very big deal at this school.
The Love of Learning Award
The Japanese Language Award etc.
With all these accolades there was another bit of drama that was going on in the background for me that year. I had never been involved in a private school before. Matt had only gone to public schools where the parents, especially in Malibu were really cool. After all, there are plenty of celebrities and wealthy people all around town, I wasn't impressed by the Silicon Valley money nor the uptight attitude of some of the parents. Boy was I ever in for a surprise.
The Passage of Time
As I re-read my posts even I have to admit there is so much repetitive stuff in it I get confused as to when the events took place and how we managed to survive them.
To make things clear, I was again in the middle of a five year cycle of drinking, getting sober, rehabs and sporadic episodes of drug induced anger and temporary insanity on my part.
I was simply going crazy living in the eye of Bob's storm. I desperately wanted an escape from the madness of our daily lives since Bob's relapse. The only relief any of us had was the fact that Matt and I now lived apart from Bob and that was a really good thing because Matt could have never excelled in school if Bob was living with us full time. He just needed too much attention and the focus was always on him and his issues. But it was not possible for me to be there for him like that any longer. I made a choice when we came back from Paris that I could no longer enable him like before. He was going to have to grow up and I was not going to be his Mom, I was going to put my mothering skills to use where they needed to be, on our son.
Even when he did come to stay it always ended up the same, he just couldn't be there because his demons were just too great during those years. He needed to be alone and do whatever it was his alcoholism was driving him to do. It was better not to know first hand what he was up too, the only clues I had were on the Credit Card bills. It really was a terrible time in my life.
The funny thing is that even during those four years apart, I never really felt apart from him until the end. I always felt he would get through it and stay sober like the first time.
It certainly was wishful thinking on my part, but the bottom line was that there really wasn't much I could do, I had to stay focused on being a stable Mom for our son. He needed me to be there for him, not spend all my time worrying about what Bob was up to.
It wasn't easy for any of us but what choice did we have. At a certain point in ones life you have to make choices and I need to provide our son with a stable home life, it was what he needed and deserved.
It was amazing how well we did seem to get along without Bob there. There was no chaos or arguing about anything. In the past there was so much tension in the house whether it was because Matt was up too late or actually anything that Bob wanted to focus on besides wanting a pill or a drink.
I do have to say we tried going to AA meetings up North, but even I had to admit that Bob was just not ever going to fit in with that crowd. There is just way to much differences in our lifestyle in Southern California and Northern California.
Bob found himself in a world that was foreign to him. Guys in those meetings were working 9-5 jobs and Bob didn't work.
In Malibu it seemed none of the people in the meetings had normal working hours. LA is so different. Bob was a fish out of water I have to admit.
I have so many different opinions about AA myself, sometimes it is more important to just have someone you can relate to instead of an entire room where you feel uncomfortable. Besides quite frankly AA didn't work for him, his GF in the end or Henry, who you will hear about later.
The years were passing by for Matt's high school experience up North and he was for the first time coming into his own.
I was so proud of his achievements.
He became a star up there literally on stage and in the Japanese classroom.
I knew that we had made the right choice for his life. Bob probably would be doing the same thing wherever he was.
Matt was thriving, that was the most important thing to me.
To make things clear, I was again in the middle of a five year cycle of drinking, getting sober, rehabs and sporadic episodes of drug induced anger and temporary insanity on my part.
I was simply going crazy living in the eye of Bob's storm. I desperately wanted an escape from the madness of our daily lives since Bob's relapse. The only relief any of us had was the fact that Matt and I now lived apart from Bob and that was a really good thing because Matt could have never excelled in school if Bob was living with us full time. He just needed too much attention and the focus was always on him and his issues. But it was not possible for me to be there for him like that any longer. I made a choice when we came back from Paris that I could no longer enable him like before. He was going to have to grow up and I was not going to be his Mom, I was going to put my mothering skills to use where they needed to be, on our son.
Even when he did come to stay it always ended up the same, he just couldn't be there because his demons were just too great during those years. He needed to be alone and do whatever it was his alcoholism was driving him to do. It was better not to know first hand what he was up too, the only clues I had were on the Credit Card bills. It really was a terrible time in my life.
The funny thing is that even during those four years apart, I never really felt apart from him until the end. I always felt he would get through it and stay sober like the first time.
It certainly was wishful thinking on my part, but the bottom line was that there really wasn't much I could do, I had to stay focused on being a stable Mom for our son. He needed me to be there for him, not spend all my time worrying about what Bob was up to.
It wasn't easy for any of us but what choice did we have. At a certain point in ones life you have to make choices and I need to provide our son with a stable home life, it was what he needed and deserved.
It was amazing how well we did seem to get along without Bob there. There was no chaos or arguing about anything. In the past there was so much tension in the house whether it was because Matt was up too late or actually anything that Bob wanted to focus on besides wanting a pill or a drink.
I do have to say we tried going to AA meetings up North, but even I had to admit that Bob was just not ever going to fit in with that crowd. There is just way to much differences in our lifestyle in Southern California and Northern California.
Bob found himself in a world that was foreign to him. Guys in those meetings were working 9-5 jobs and Bob didn't work.
In Malibu it seemed none of the people in the meetings had normal working hours. LA is so different. Bob was a fish out of water I have to admit.
I have so many different opinions about AA myself, sometimes it is more important to just have someone you can relate to instead of an entire room where you feel uncomfortable. Besides quite frankly AA didn't work for him, his GF in the end or Henry, who you will hear about later.
The years were passing by for Matt's high school experience up North and he was for the first time coming into his own.
I was so proud of his achievements.
He became a star up there literally on stage and in the Japanese classroom.
I knew that we had made the right choice for his life. Bob probably would be doing the same thing wherever he was.
Matt was thriving, that was the most important thing to me.
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