The Passage of Time

As I re-read my posts even I have to admit there is so much repetitive stuff in it I get confused as to when the events took place and how we managed to survive them.
To make things clear, I was again in the middle of a five year cycle of drinking, getting sober, rehabs and sporadic episodes of drug induced anger and temporary insanity on my part.

I was simply going crazy living in the eye of Bob's storm. I desperately wanted an escape from the madness of our daily lives since Bob's relapse. The only relief any of us had was the fact that Matt and I now lived apart from Bob and that was a really good thing because Matt could have never excelled in school if Bob was living with us full time. He just needed too much attention and the focus was always on him and his issues. But it was not possible for me to be there for him like that any longer. I made a choice when we came back from Paris that I could no longer enable him like before. He was going to have to grow up and I was not going to be his Mom, I was going to put my mothering skills to use where they needed to be, on our son.
Even when he did come to stay it always ended up the same, he just couldn't be there because his demons were just too great during those years. He needed to be alone and do whatever it was his alcoholism was driving him to do. It was better not to know first hand what he was up too, the only clues I had were on the Credit Card bills. It really was a terrible time in my life.

The funny thing is that even during those four years apart, I never really felt apart from him until the end. I always felt he would get through it and stay sober like the first time.
It certainly was wishful thinking on my part, but the bottom line was that there really wasn't much I could do, I had to stay focused on being a stable Mom for our son. He needed me to be there for him, not spend all my time worrying about what Bob was up to.

It wasn't easy for any of us but what choice did we have. At a certain point in ones life you have to make choices and I need to provide our son with a stable home life, it was what he needed and deserved.
It was amazing how well we did seem to get along without Bob there. There was no chaos or arguing about anything. In the past there was so much tension in the house whether it was because Matt was up too late or actually anything that Bob wanted to focus on besides wanting a pill or a drink.

I do have to say we tried going to AA meetings up North, but even I had to admit that Bob was just not ever going to fit in with that crowd. There is just way to much differences in our lifestyle in Southern California and Northern California.
Bob found himself in a world that was foreign to him. Guys in those meetings were working 9-5 jobs and Bob didn't work.
In Malibu it seemed none of the people in the meetings had normal working hours. LA is so different. Bob was a fish out of water I have to admit.
I have so many different opinions about AA myself, sometimes it is more important to just have someone you can relate to instead of an entire room where you feel uncomfortable. Besides quite frankly AA didn't work for him, his GF in the end or Henry, who you will hear about later.
The years were passing by for Matt's high school experience up North and he was for the first time coming into his own.
I was so proud of his achievements.
He became a star up there literally on stage and in the Japanese classroom.
I knew that we had made the right choice for his life. Bob probably would be doing the same thing wherever he was.
Matt was thriving, that was the most important thing to me.