I am in the middle of another very difficult time for me. In three days I have to go to court to finalize my divorce. It is two and a half years since my former husband passed away and I have been in the probate courts ever since then. It will also be his birthday on October 27th four days after this divorce proceeding.
I am really getting a divorce from his daughter and now I guess the rest of the small family.
Now everyone knows that Death and Divorce are right up there on the stress charts as the highest stress producing events in a persons life, along with moving.
Well I have been grieving for the past two and a half years, have been dealing with probate and a divorce and I am moving. At times even I don't know how I have made it this far.
So I wrote to my former Mother in Law to see if she would like me to return a coffee table that was orignially hers, but ended up in my husbands house when his father died. Of course I am happy to return it to her and a few emails passed back and forth regarding the table.
Since she was the only one in the family left besides my son who I can discuss these things with, I sent her an email pouring my heart out about the upcoming divorce and Bob's birthday.
What I got in return was an email asking me to measure the table so that her handiman could pick it up. Nothing else. I have to say, that really upset me. Here I am pouring my guts out about my life, my feelings and all she wanted was the damn table.
This correspondence is exactly the evidence that I needed to remind myself that it is not my imagination, because sometimes I think I am being over sensitive when I feel like they just let me go, turned their back on me. Well they have.
I did not respond to her email for fear that I would say something harsh because I'm angry about the lack of concern and the way my situation ended. After a twenty year marriage, I got all the bills, half my house and $25,000 to pay off the legal bills. Another words, the left my son holding the bag on my debt, because if I loose my house so does he. Everything I have is his and at his age he should not have to bear the burden of his father's debts, especially when there was enough money to pay off half the mortgage, that was all I asked for. Because we bought a home and for years he refinanced it to pay his taxes and pay for the education of the kids.
The executor, his daughter, managed to just have the court negate that fact.
So yes I am angry and shocked, my I am not the only one, there are many people who know my family in Hollywood, because it was a very prominent family here in LA. So I didn't answer her email I simply waited to see what she would have to say in regards to me pouring my heart out to her.
I got another email regarding the table.
Well this time I couldn't help but reply with my feelings laid out. So this is what I wrote to her. These are word for word, copied and pasted below.
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I'm so sorry but I don't have a measuring tape, but I personally brought it over here in the back of my Lexus SUV from the Rambla Vista house so I know it will fit in a small SUV. You mentioned your handyman and if he has a truck it will fit just fine.
Sorry I didn't get back to you. I pretty much have been dreading next week Tuesday so much that I sent Marisa an email asking her to tell her lawyer to be nice. I don't want a repeat of the last court date and this time it will be just Matt and me in court plus I signed everything over to her over a year and a half ago That is all except the watches which Matt has not me. I'm hoping that doesn't come up. It is very traumatic because this is a divorce from her really not Bernie, he's gone.
You may have already heard about that, but I also told her to visit her father's grave and beg his forgiveness for putting Matt in such a terrible position. If I go down, he goes down with me. It's all on his shoulders now.
This is a very small town and his new investment people are simply shocked by this entire outcome after a long term marriage. All I asked for was help with the mortgage now I will never live here again because she simply refused to do the right thing.
Although I know you don't want to hear any of this either, I apologize for laying it on you. But it doesn't matter about the trust from Saul it still won't help with the mortgage So the only way to save Matt from the burden of losing his house is to move out of it.
Marisa has simply tarnished the family name. All these high power people in Town just adored Saul and I wasn't there but Matt told her my situation and she wants to meet me for lunch, she seems to think maybe she can help me even though I told her I have no money to invest. It was simply refreshing to know that I am not the only one that thinks this was so legally unfair. It's simply not OK to punish Matt because I have a Trust from Saul. So does Marisa and Matt. Bob's debt was Bob's debt. Even you don't understand the severity of the burden on him.
And I must say it's interesting that you can simply ignore any of this which I mentioned before but be so concerned about your table.
What a fascinating family.
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This is what she wrote back
STEPH,
I AM SORRY THAT YOU FEEL THE WAY YOU DO!! I DO NOT KNOW THE LEGAL DETAILS RE; THIS AND DO NOT FEEL THAT IT IS MY BUSINESS!! I ALSO DO NOT HAVE THE $$ TO HELP!! NO ONE IS SADDER THAT THE FAMILY IS SPLIT! I ADORE SAUL AND ALWAYS WILL. I TRIED TO HELP FOR AWHILE TO NO AVAIL AND SO, HAVE WITHDRAWN TOTALLY. I STILL CRY DAILY FOR THE LOSS OF MY LOVE AND CANNOT DEAL WITH THE RE-HASH OF THIS DRAMA!!
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Well that just set me off. This is exactly what I have been talking about on my myspace blog. I have a cold family that only cares about themselves. My reply
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I totally understand, but that's exactly the attitude that allows people to get away with bad things. Just think of all the boy scouts, alter boys, etc., that could have been helped if someone had just taken the time to speak out.
Silence is as bad doing the deed itself.
I have had to deal with my loss, my divorce and helping Matt and myself through our grief without the family. So why the hell would I want to deal with the family two and a half years later. No one cared and still don't and that is the sad fact not fiction.
I do feel your pain, I miss Saul as much as anyone because none of what has happened to me and subsequently to Matt if he were still with us. He was the glue that bound us all together. Marisa would have never had the guts to do what she did, but everyone just kept quiet.
I may have told you a saw a psychic and there he was right there with Bob. I didn't even say anything to this person, I went in to find out if I was ever going to get out of all this debt. It was quite healing. Bob kept saying "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I sat there stunned and crying. It was surreal. So even if the family has turned their back on me, my beloved Bob and Saul have not. It gets me through my life believe me.
So if you like you can just have someone pick up your table and I will not speak to you again, because it's my life and if you don't want to hear it I will respect that.
By the way, this is not a ReHash. I am living it. I go to court on Tuesday and people are calling me to discuss my life. People who are stunned that my beloved family turned their backs and a blind eye to my situation.
You have a way of trying to diminish things just because you don't want to hear them. Is Bob's birthday drama?
I really feel sorry for all of you.
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So there is the story of my family's attitude toward me. Lack of concern.
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