I had a lengthy deposition yesterday regarding my loft floors. I purchased a loft with wood beetles, was forced to use the Developers choice of floor installers to do the replacement and supposedly fumigate the floor to rid it of the beetle infestation.
Now that seems like a very cut and dry topic, with not a lot of room for arguing. That would be a logical "Real World" opinion, but not in the legal arena, where the victims are the ones who sit in the hot seat, not the people responsible for the problems.
The attorney started out pleasant enough before we were being recorded by the court reporter and then when we began, his line of questioning was totally out of line.
He started asking me questions about my former now deceased husband. I answered the first two then he started asking about
my husbands Legal background and I'm sure he was going to delve into our pending divorce at the time of his death.
None of his questions were nice, they were condescending, and I was quite frankly appalled that my attorney's assistant filling in
for him let this line of questioning go on. I was the one who simply said I was not going to answer anymore of his questions, they had nothing to do with my situation. I was in tears 15 minutes into the day.
He said he was just doing his background questions. Really??? Anyone who's lost anyone they love and witnessed their death is
going to get emotional at having to discuss it in detail to a total stranger who is just "doing his job"
The questions asked in depositions are supposed to be answered by a simply Yes or No, but that's how they GET YOU.
Some things cannot be answered that way. If you say Yes your done, if you say No, you can be held for lying.
We have a terrible legal system.
At the end of the day, we accomplished nothing and now it's been extended. There were three other attorney's present who knew nothing about the case and everyone agreed to finish another day.
After they left my attorney told me I could never win in court because I'm Blond, look too young for my age and I own a house in Malibu. That's how the system works. If the jurors don't like you Lose, period. He then told me that today the average juror would resent the fact that I own a loft for a million $ and they wouldn't care that the developers and agents knew of an insect
infestation and sold the lofts to people anyway.
This is the American Legal Justice system. No wonder the world is falling apart, it's still a popularity contest. If they jurors like you you win, think OJ. If you're a pretty woman and you've been cheated and lied to by your husband well too bad for you.
If the good old boys club is dishonest and can pay off a unethical lawyer they win.
That's how it really works, God help the innocent.
October 07, 2011
July 28, 2011
How to Help someone who doesn't understand What they are doing to Themselves by staying in a Toxic Relationship
I spent two different weekends with an acquaintance of mine who has been living with an Alcoholic for over 10 years.
When she met him she had just lost custody of her son to her former husband who just happened to also be a well connected Lawyer. It was all so tragic, She claimed he was
sexually abusing the 4 year old and when she tried to get help through the Doctors and Agencies who supposedly help
families they in turn gave custody to the alleged "child molester" In this world there is no justice for women who complain to
well connected, men. The boy is now 21 and is still not permitted to see her. How can the legal system do that? The father had
a lifetime resrtaining order against her. For What???? Trying to protect her son from him.
It's like a sane person who gets committed to an insane asylum, the more you protest your not crazy, the more they think you
are. What a world.
She was an affluent resident in Malibu and went from that to losing he son, while trying to protect him, to a basically broke,
almost homeless woman. As I watched her life unravel I saw first hand what the inequities between the power of a Husband
and a wife can tragically become.
This is a common occurrence in families DISFUNCTION. Whether it is alcohol related or not. Obviously there was some other
kind of illness going on in their home for it all to fall apart like that. I wondered why someone who had experienced such trauma
would find herself in another situation which is almost as bad in other ways.
Do Normal people continue to go from one terrible relationship to another? I know so many people who do. What kind of help
is there for people. Therapy rarely helps, especially if you don't have the money to spend year after year sitting in some silent Doctor's office hoping that you will get relief and go broke in the process.
At least if you know there is alcohol addition or drug abuse there are 12 step programs available for no cost other than the willingness to show up. Which sounds a LOT easier than it is for many. Admitting you need help is often the last thing anyone
wants to admit.
Back to my friend, this is the second weekend she sought shelter in my house. After talking about her life these past ten years
I realized that No help I was giving her would ever help her. She told me that on and off for the past 10 years she has had to leave to find some serenity and peace because when this man drinks he's abusive and then she goes back again because "He's NICE when he's sober".
Oh WOW, did I relate to that. It's the Jekyll & Hyde personality. It's what kept me in my marriage for so many years. The Nice
side of my husband was awesome, his dark side was horrific. It's also why I refuse to get into another relationship, it seems everyone I'm attracted to has some sort of addiction history. They are either in Recovery or they need to be.
Is this attraction in a person's DNA where time and time again people are drawn to the same type over and over again? I think so. In the world of online interaction every now and then I play a little game with myself if I'm the least bit interested do they have an addiction? 9 out of 10 times YES its really scary to see who I'm drawn to.
How do you break the unconscious pattern in yourself? Do you shut yourself off from the world and never have another relationship? That is the path I've chosen since I've actually married two alcoholics in my life. I am terrified of living thru another bad relationship, the emotional damage is just not worth that sort of companionship. I'm sure there aren't many people willing to live like that, for me it simply works and keeps me happy.
Am I cured of my co-dependant personality? Hardly. Why else did I come so close to being sucked in to letting my friend stay with me for I thought a month, she told my friend a few months. I actually started to have a panic attack at the thought of having to listen to her problems day after day. I found myself in just a day and a half avoiding her company. I was grateful I had to have my car serviced and was gone for several hours. Something inside snapped and I went from really supportive to actually down right wanting her out of my house. I couldn't deal with it all. It simply brought up way too many old feelings, so the answer to the question is NO I'm not cured but I'm terrified that part of me is still there. I can only imagine how stunned my friend was at my sudden change.
They say time heals all things but I'm still waiting to feel completely healed from my life as a co-dependent. I'm not sure there ever will be that time quite frankly, but I do know that as long as I listen to my reactions, I will never allow myself to fall for another addict.
When she met him she had just lost custody of her son to her former husband who just happened to also be a well connected Lawyer. It was all so tragic, She claimed he was
sexually abusing the 4 year old and when she tried to get help through the Doctors and Agencies who supposedly help
families they in turn gave custody to the alleged "child molester" In this world there is no justice for women who complain to
well connected, men. The boy is now 21 and is still not permitted to see her. How can the legal system do that? The father had
a lifetime resrtaining order against her. For What???? Trying to protect her son from him.
It's like a sane person who gets committed to an insane asylum, the more you protest your not crazy, the more they think you
are. What a world.
She was an affluent resident in Malibu and went from that to losing he son, while trying to protect him, to a basically broke,
almost homeless woman. As I watched her life unravel I saw first hand what the inequities between the power of a Husband
and a wife can tragically become.
This is a common occurrence in families DISFUNCTION. Whether it is alcohol related or not. Obviously there was some other
kind of illness going on in their home for it all to fall apart like that. I wondered why someone who had experienced such trauma
would find herself in another situation which is almost as bad in other ways.
Do Normal people continue to go from one terrible relationship to another? I know so many people who do. What kind of help
is there for people. Therapy rarely helps, especially if you don't have the money to spend year after year sitting in some silent Doctor's office hoping that you will get relief and go broke in the process.
At least if you know there is alcohol addition or drug abuse there are 12 step programs available for no cost other than the willingness to show up. Which sounds a LOT easier than it is for many. Admitting you need help is often the last thing anyone
wants to admit.
Back to my friend, this is the second weekend she sought shelter in my house. After talking about her life these past ten years
I realized that No help I was giving her would ever help her. She told me that on and off for the past 10 years she has had to leave to find some serenity and peace because when this man drinks he's abusive and then she goes back again because "He's NICE when he's sober".
Oh WOW, did I relate to that. It's the Jekyll & Hyde personality. It's what kept me in my marriage for so many years. The Nice
side of my husband was awesome, his dark side was horrific. It's also why I refuse to get into another relationship, it seems everyone I'm attracted to has some sort of addiction history. They are either in Recovery or they need to be.
Is this attraction in a person's DNA where time and time again people are drawn to the same type over and over again? I think so. In the world of online interaction every now and then I play a little game with myself if I'm the least bit interested do they have an addiction? 9 out of 10 times YES its really scary to see who I'm drawn to.
How do you break the unconscious pattern in yourself? Do you shut yourself off from the world and never have another relationship? That is the path I've chosen since I've actually married two alcoholics in my life. I am terrified of living thru another bad relationship, the emotional damage is just not worth that sort of companionship. I'm sure there aren't many people willing to live like that, for me it simply works and keeps me happy.
Am I cured of my co-dependant personality? Hardly. Why else did I come so close to being sucked in to letting my friend stay with me for I thought a month, she told my friend a few months. I actually started to have a panic attack at the thought of having to listen to her problems day after day. I found myself in just a day and a half avoiding her company. I was grateful I had to have my car serviced and was gone for several hours. Something inside snapped and I went from really supportive to actually down right wanting her out of my house. I couldn't deal with it all. It simply brought up way too many old feelings, so the answer to the question is NO I'm not cured but I'm terrified that part of me is still there. I can only imagine how stunned my friend was at my sudden change.
They say time heals all things but I'm still waiting to feel completely healed from my life as a co-dependent. I'm not sure there ever will be that time quite frankly, but I do know that as long as I listen to my reactions, I will never allow myself to fall for another addict.
January 30, 2011
Another Year and Still I can't write my story
Well here I am at the end of January 2011 and I still can't seem to motivate myself to start writing about my story.
Maybe it's a sign that I'm too busy living to revisit my past in chronological order who knows, all I know is that I have other things on my mind. So instead of blocking myself thinking I have to pick up where I left off, I will now approach this blog as it is and leave the time line to the editing process, or I may never put another word down again.
The end of 2010 was a combination of finally moving back into my loft after leasing out the Malibu house in September and being totally busy trying to get my life back in order.
So much to do in my own life and then having to watch my son go thru his emotional ups and downs and not being able to really do anything about it.
2010 finally brought a beginning of the end of Matt's relationship, I use the word beginning because quite frankly it's not over till it's over. I'm just praying at some point they both just realize that it's never going to work and avoid hurting each other by giving into what Katie wants more than anything. A marriage. In my opinion at this point she would marry anyone and I think she will not marry for love but for the dream of being married and not having to deal with taking care of herself.
Matt said she doesn't want to be a housewife and I couldn't agree more. She doesn't have a clue what being married is all about and being a housewife is what being a married woman is ultimately in the end. If I were to decode the term housewife in her mind, it means she has no intention of cleaning, cooking, taking care of anything that women do when they marry. She wants a cleaning lady she told me once. WOW I give her more credit than they both know. He always tells me she's smart and I have to agree, she's going thru the motions of getting a degree in Grad school so she doesn't have to find a job that can keep her above the poverty line. Now that's smart. She's hoping someone will feel sorry for her. She's already manipulated a $10,000 check out of him, because they were almost like "Common Law Husband & Wife" REALLY????
He moved her out over 2 years ago and she never quite got it thru her head to actually leave permanently. Just about one year ago this coming week we had our last major fight over her lack of manners. She is the most socially inept young woman I have ever run into. If I was the only one who thought that I would say it's me, but there isn't a person I know that has ever been able to figure out what the hell Matt see's in her. I don't think I know anyone who walks around and reeks of unhappiness they way she does. In fact she was still blaming her father for all her unhappiness as of just a few months ago until she got to see her mother in a whole new light when she started speaking to her father after almost 5 years.
I told Matt he was dating his sister and his father and by that I meant, like his sister she hates her father and like his father she is only happy when she's drunk. I didn't know until a few weeks ago that some of her anti-social behavior was because she was high on weed. I really could care less except for the fact that even on weed she's miserable. So what's the point of getting high if you can't even be happy then.
Two weeks ago she crept back into his life for two days. That's how she does it. She needs something. This time she needed to use his kitchen to bake some cupcake pops. No problem if she cleaned everything up when she was finished, but NO in classic Katie fashion she left a bit of a trail. Dirty batter bowl in the sink, foil, plastic wrap, and an empty paper towel holder all there on the counter. Now to some people my reaction to this could be perceived as an over reaction, but I lost it.
It was Wednesday morning and I went over as I have been doing for the past 6 months to make Matt a shake before his workout. I had left his loft Sunday at 1:30am after helping him clean up after his friends drunken puke fest. So when I saw the little mess, I snapped because quite frankly I am not her maid or his for that matter. I will not go back to that time in my life where I needed to do things to be loved. I help Matt because I want to. The minute I feel taken advantage of, it's over.
He was shocked by my attitude and asked me to leave and took his parking pass back. I had to laugh because that's what caused the initial rift between Katie and me. Although she didn't live there she needed the parking even thou Matt had moved me into his place to sleep on his sofa when I no longer could afford to run the water or pay the utilities in Malibu. The shocking thing to me is that he doesn't see her for what she is. I believe she would like nothing more than to see us not speak to each other like she does to her father. Unfortunately for her, I'm not going any where soon.
When he told me that he's still seeing her I told him flat out he's going to have a lot of trouble because she hates me. I will always be the Elephant in the room. We both agreed it's a problem. We can never go back to a time or place where we can pretend any longer that we can even tolerate one another. I tried the offering the olive branch for his sake at Thanksgiving and she refused to come over. I bought her a gift for Xmas and until today I have not gotten any sort of acknowledgment from her to whether she liked it or not.
So there will be no happy ending for this little family. I can't wait to see how the coming year goes for them.
Matt only wants her now because she is or was seeing someone else. It's his ego. Most men are that predictable I think.
So I face the coming year with the jury trial in April and Matt being in the musicale RENT. Drama and Drama:)
Maybe it's a sign that I'm too busy living to revisit my past in chronological order who knows, all I know is that I have other things on my mind. So instead of blocking myself thinking I have to pick up where I left off, I will now approach this blog as it is and leave the time line to the editing process, or I may never put another word down again.
The end of 2010 was a combination of finally moving back into my loft after leasing out the Malibu house in September and being totally busy trying to get my life back in order.
So much to do in my own life and then having to watch my son go thru his emotional ups and downs and not being able to really do anything about it.
2010 finally brought a beginning of the end of Matt's relationship, I use the word beginning because quite frankly it's not over till it's over. I'm just praying at some point they both just realize that it's never going to work and avoid hurting each other by giving into what Katie wants more than anything. A marriage. In my opinion at this point she would marry anyone and I think she will not marry for love but for the dream of being married and not having to deal with taking care of herself.
Matt said she doesn't want to be a housewife and I couldn't agree more. She doesn't have a clue what being married is all about and being a housewife is what being a married woman is ultimately in the end. If I were to decode the term housewife in her mind, it means she has no intention of cleaning, cooking, taking care of anything that women do when they marry. She wants a cleaning lady she told me once. WOW I give her more credit than they both know. He always tells me she's smart and I have to agree, she's going thru the motions of getting a degree in Grad school so she doesn't have to find a job that can keep her above the poverty line. Now that's smart. She's hoping someone will feel sorry for her. She's already manipulated a $10,000 check out of him, because they were almost like "Common Law Husband & Wife" REALLY????
He moved her out over 2 years ago and she never quite got it thru her head to actually leave permanently. Just about one year ago this coming week we had our last major fight over her lack of manners. She is the most socially inept young woman I have ever run into. If I was the only one who thought that I would say it's me, but there isn't a person I know that has ever been able to figure out what the hell Matt see's in her. I don't think I know anyone who walks around and reeks of unhappiness they way she does. In fact she was still blaming her father for all her unhappiness as of just a few months ago until she got to see her mother in a whole new light when she started speaking to her father after almost 5 years.
I told Matt he was dating his sister and his father and by that I meant, like his sister she hates her father and like his father she is only happy when she's drunk. I didn't know until a few weeks ago that some of her anti-social behavior was because she was high on weed. I really could care less except for the fact that even on weed she's miserable. So what's the point of getting high if you can't even be happy then.
Two weeks ago she crept back into his life for two days. That's how she does it. She needs something. This time she needed to use his kitchen to bake some cupcake pops. No problem if she cleaned everything up when she was finished, but NO in classic Katie fashion she left a bit of a trail. Dirty batter bowl in the sink, foil, plastic wrap, and an empty paper towel holder all there on the counter. Now to some people my reaction to this could be perceived as an over reaction, but I lost it.
It was Wednesday morning and I went over as I have been doing for the past 6 months to make Matt a shake before his workout. I had left his loft Sunday at 1:30am after helping him clean up after his friends drunken puke fest. So when I saw the little mess, I snapped because quite frankly I am not her maid or his for that matter. I will not go back to that time in my life where I needed to do things to be loved. I help Matt because I want to. The minute I feel taken advantage of, it's over.
He was shocked by my attitude and asked me to leave and took his parking pass back. I had to laugh because that's what caused the initial rift between Katie and me. Although she didn't live there she needed the parking even thou Matt had moved me into his place to sleep on his sofa when I no longer could afford to run the water or pay the utilities in Malibu. The shocking thing to me is that he doesn't see her for what she is. I believe she would like nothing more than to see us not speak to each other like she does to her father. Unfortunately for her, I'm not going any where soon.
When he told me that he's still seeing her I told him flat out he's going to have a lot of trouble because she hates me. I will always be the Elephant in the room. We both agreed it's a problem. We can never go back to a time or place where we can pretend any longer that we can even tolerate one another. I tried the offering the olive branch for his sake at Thanksgiving and she refused to come over. I bought her a gift for Xmas and until today I have not gotten any sort of acknowledgment from her to whether she liked it or not.
So there will be no happy ending for this little family. I can't wait to see how the coming year goes for them.
Matt only wants her now because she is or was seeing someone else. It's his ego. Most men are that predictable I think.
So I face the coming year with the jury trial in April and Matt being in the musicale RENT. Drama and Drama:)
September 03, 2010
Interesting Changes
I'm so excited about the new Mobile Media revoluction. Check out izigg. It will change the way you view promoting your business.
August 29, 2010
My Amazing Son Matt
Last night was the final performance of the Musical Drama my son Matt was in. It had a 4 week run and the Cast delivered better every single night.
I was sitting in the audience at most of the performances just in awe of his talents, thinking about how very proud of him I am and how much he looks like his father.
I know that his dad is looking down on him from above thinking the same exact thoughts I have. What a gift he has always been.
We never really knew how talented he was until he was in High School. I am so proud of him for sticking to his dreams and watching them manifest into "his" world.
I can't imagine him being anything else but a talented Singer/Actor/Writer. It simply is
what he was put on the earth to do.
It's so funny because he thinks that I support him in all he does when the Truth is that his support of Me is what keeps me going. Without his love and devotion, not to mention
generous support of me. I would not be able to be half the woman I am today.
I am Grateful for every single moment I have had with him, and I can't imagine a life without him.
I was sitting in the audience at most of the performances just in awe of his talents, thinking about how very proud of him I am and how much he looks like his father.
I know that his dad is looking down on him from above thinking the same exact thoughts I have. What a gift he has always been.
We never really knew how talented he was until he was in High School. I am so proud of him for sticking to his dreams and watching them manifest into "his" world.
I can't imagine him being anything else but a talented Singer/Actor/Writer. It simply is
what he was put on the earth to do.
It's so funny because he thinks that I support him in all he does when the Truth is that his support of Me is what keeps me going. Without his love and devotion, not to mention
generous support of me. I would not be able to be half the woman I am today.
I am Grateful for every single moment I have had with him, and I can't imagine a life without him.
November 10, 2009
Entertaining the Kids from Japan
For me who never ever had a sitter for Matt, the time he was in Japan seemed like a lifetime. I was so happy to be back up in the rental house in Foster City, awaiting his return home.
Part of the exchange program through the Kiwanis club is that Matt went to live in Japan first with a family and then when his time was up we had his host "brother" stay with us.
That was great except that the other two kids from Japan had learned that our family owned the "Sunset Gower Studio" in Hollywood and they wanted to be with us and not their host families. They did not realize that they couldn't just go visit the studio one afternoon they would have to fly from the Bay Area to Los Angeles and stay with us in order to do that.
Luckily we did have enough room for the three of them to stay comfortably, all they needed to do was have their host families agree to pay the round trip airfare to get them here and back again.
Looking back at this now all these years later, it was amazing how simple it all seemed because when the three Japanese exchange students were here without the other host families, a little drama started to unfold. There were two boys and one girl.
Of course not being able to understand Japanese myself and the kids spoke little English, I had not idea that the boys were teasing this girl until one night around midnight she was crying so hard I had to have my son Matt come up to her room and find out what was going on.
It seems the two boys had ganged up on her about her looks, her style or something personal like that. She simply could not be consoled. So I found out thru Matt that she wanted to call home. What could I say, of course I said yes. It was a month later
when I got the phone bill that I realized she had spent nearly an hour on the phone or that would amount to a $2,000 phone bill. Wow, I had no idea she was on the phone that long or how much it would cost. We just had to shrug it off and pay the bill. What else was there to do?
I was just happy that for two of the three weeks it was just Matt and his host family kid. The other two were only here for 4 days and they were hard because the girl was so moody and in the end, even I who love kids felt helpless to make her enjoy herself.
She didn't enjoy any of her stay it seemed. I was thrilled when the day came to fly them all back to the Bay Area. That also included myself and Matt. It was time to start getting ready to go back to school.
The Airport was intense. Flights were being canceled left and right due to bad weather in San Francisco. And I HAD to get those three back in time to catch their plane home to Japan the next day. We were at the airport for hours and I was so grateful that Bob wasn't there, he never did have the patience to travel much and this was intense. There simply was no room for 5 of us.
No being one to give up I called another airline to see if I could fly them into San Jose on the last flight. As miracles go I got us on a flight but we had to run all the way across the airport to another terminal.
Imagine me trying to explain that to three kids who did not understand one word that I said to them.
Matt really saved the day, he got them all together and explained the best he could what was going on. Then we picked up our bags and ran like hell so that we did not miss the last flight out that night.
Lucky for us the parents in the Bay Area were so cool, they must have been worried also because they were responsible for getting those kids home to Japan on time just as I was.
The next morning was a relief, back to SFO to get them all off to Japan, I was exhausted and just happy to be with Matt in our little rental house in Foster City, anxiously awaiting what would turn out to be the beginning of an entirely new Matt.
Part of the exchange program through the Kiwanis club is that Matt went to live in Japan first with a family and then when his time was up we had his host "brother" stay with us.
That was great except that the other two kids from Japan had learned that our family owned the "Sunset Gower Studio" in Hollywood and they wanted to be with us and not their host families. They did not realize that they couldn't just go visit the studio one afternoon they would have to fly from the Bay Area to Los Angeles and stay with us in order to do that.
Luckily we did have enough room for the three of them to stay comfortably, all they needed to do was have their host families agree to pay the round trip airfare to get them here and back again.
Looking back at this now all these years later, it was amazing how simple it all seemed because when the three Japanese exchange students were here without the other host families, a little drama started to unfold. There were two boys and one girl.
Of course not being able to understand Japanese myself and the kids spoke little English, I had not idea that the boys were teasing this girl until one night around midnight she was crying so hard I had to have my son Matt come up to her room and find out what was going on.
It seems the two boys had ganged up on her about her looks, her style or something personal like that. She simply could not be consoled. So I found out thru Matt that she wanted to call home. What could I say, of course I said yes. It was a month later
when I got the phone bill that I realized she had spent nearly an hour on the phone or that would amount to a $2,000 phone bill. Wow, I had no idea she was on the phone that long or how much it would cost. We just had to shrug it off and pay the bill. What else was there to do?
I was just happy that for two of the three weeks it was just Matt and his host family kid. The other two were only here for 4 days and they were hard because the girl was so moody and in the end, even I who love kids felt helpless to make her enjoy herself.
She didn't enjoy any of her stay it seemed. I was thrilled when the day came to fly them all back to the Bay Area. That also included myself and Matt. It was time to start getting ready to go back to school.
The Airport was intense. Flights were being canceled left and right due to bad weather in San Francisco. And I HAD to get those three back in time to catch their plane home to Japan the next day. We were at the airport for hours and I was so grateful that Bob wasn't there, he never did have the patience to travel much and this was intense. There simply was no room for 5 of us.
No being one to give up I called another airline to see if I could fly them into San Jose on the last flight. As miracles go I got us on a flight but we had to run all the way across the airport to another terminal.
Imagine me trying to explain that to three kids who did not understand one word that I said to them.
Matt really saved the day, he got them all together and explained the best he could what was going on. Then we picked up our bags and ran like hell so that we did not miss the last flight out that night.
Lucky for us the parents in the Bay Area were so cool, they must have been worried also because they were responsible for getting those kids home to Japan on time just as I was.
The next morning was a relief, back to SFO to get them all off to Japan, I was exhausted and just happy to be with Matt in our little rental house in Foster City, anxiously awaiting what would turn out to be the beginning of an entirely new Matt.
March 06, 2009
Matt's Off to Japan
Matt was leaving for Japan in just a few hours and already I was freaking out. It simply was a very scary day for me.
As I mentioned I had not spent more than a weekend in the same house with his father since last August, it was now June.
I kept my cool the entire time that we were together in the Airport. Looking back how lucky I was that this was before 9-11.
We actually got to spend the two hours with him at the Airport before his plane took off. The moment he was no longer in site to me, going through the final boarding gate, I fell apart.
I was inconsolable, I could not stop crying and literally did not want to talk to his father if I could help it. First of all, I was not totally prepared for Matt to be flying across the world at 15, he had been our constant companion his entire life. Second,
I did not know what to expect from being alone with his Dad. That was equally as terrifying to me.
We walked away from Matt's gate, and headed to another airline and boarded a plane back to Los Angeles. I wasn't even happy
to be going back to the Malibu house. What would my house be like without the most important aspect of it? Without Matt home, it simply wasn't a home.
It seemed like it took forever to get back to Malibu. Between the hour flight, the hour long limo drive and all of my mixed emotions, I was exhausted when we walked into the door. It was no later than 4pm and I went to bed. I could not speak and I knew if I were awake all hell would break loose. Bob really had no tolerance for not being spoken to unless I wasn't awake.
I must say, he was so kind and understanding, I certainly didn't expect it. I wasn't really thinking about how he was feeling, because he hadn't spent that much time with him the past school year. I on the other hand was with him every day. I felt like someone had ripped my guts out and locked me in a cage.
All I could think about was, "how could I have allowed him to go?" Then logic would set in and I would remember how proud of him I was. I just had to wait it out until he called. I would have to wait for almost 20 hours. It was an eternity I can assure you.
So I slept, or pretended to be asleep until that call came.
It was sometime in the middle of the night when the phone rang. Bob of course was not sleeping, and jumped for the phone.
There was no need to wake me, I was awake, just thanking the Lord above that he had made it.
The moment I heard Matt's voice I felt better. He was so sweet and he was apologizing for taking so long to call home,
What I realized at that moment as he was telling me how he had managed to change trains and translate for the two girls he was with in order to get from the Airport to the city they were going to, that he would be fine. Even at 15 he had the sensibility and the experience to navigate his way around an airport and a train station. At that moment I was so happy that we had traveled with him all those years. He was a very savvy traveler indeed.
He told me that he had been to a special dinner, honoring Him and the two girls at a temple someplace. He said that he had been sining Karaoke and been given sake to drink as a customary welcome. I was so happy. It was so wonderful to hear the joy and excitement in his voice, I was relieved. He hung up and for the first time in oh so many hours, I was ok and talked to
Bob about what Matt had told me. We were both relieved.
I know it's weird because we were only going to be apart for a little over a month but at the time it seemed like those weeks and days would never end. We didn't do anything special while Matt was gone, just hung around the house, went to AA meetings, dinners, movies and I of course made myself very busy fixing up the deck, painting etc. Busy work.
Bob was Bob. He started his day late, had breakfast took a book out to the pool and worked on his tan. Then he would go to the gym and come back shower and we would go out for dinner, movies or whatever.
It never dawned on me at that point just how boring our days really were. Before we left to go up North, I had started a little design company. I was always so busy hand beading beautiful silk velvet throws, but that pretty much ended when we moved.
I actually had to search for things to do. Too much time on my hand was never a good thing. I was great at avoiding conflict.
Bob did not have much sobriety under his belt and was always just on the verge of yet another dry drunk. I lived on egg shells.
He was pretty much on his best behavior, maybe he missed me while we were away, who knows? All I know was that I was grateful for the serenity and did not tempt rocking the boat.
Now that we had moved Matt to a school in Northern California, the only friends we seemed to have left around Malibu were Bob's AA friends. I liked them all alot, but because he had been slipping on and off, he didn't want to hang out with any of them. He always felt he was being judged by them. Who knows why. I never really knew how much drinking or pill use he really was into that first year. All I know is that he wasn't drinking at the moment and I was grateful it didn't come up again.
The end of July came around very fast and it was time to return to Northern California to pick Matt and his host student.
The way the exchange program went was Matt went to stay at a home and then return with the boy he had stayed with.
Of course I was more than ready to get back there.
We went a few days early and cleaned the house and filled the refrigerator with a ton of food for their return. The two girls Matt had traveled with were also coming back with the kids they stayed with. Everyone was once again at the Airport together
waiting. We made plans with the other families to get all the students together again before we took Matt and his friend back to LA. Little did I know that Matt had told everyone that they could all come to Malibu with us and see our Studio.
You have to understand just how excited those kids were to go to Hollywood and then to top it off, they were going to get a private tour of the Sunset Gower Studios by this kid's family. Of course I had no idea that was in the works until they all landed.
When Matt finally came off the plane and into customs it seemed like an hour had passed but there he was. He had lost about
15 pounds. It's not that he was heavy before, but I wasn't ready to see him so thin. He had a strange look on his face as he hugged us and said hello.
He later told me that it was weird hearing our voices and English again. The city he had been in he had little opportunity to either hear anyone speak English or even speak it himself. He was sort of displaced. Culture shock I guess not to mention their hours were all messed up. Matt and Takou were exhausted. When they got home they barely stayed awake for an hour and both crashed. Bob and I were once again left alone in a sense. Only now we were in Foster City, a place that he had never felt comfortable, a place where he was on shaky ground. I could sense the rumblings of discomfort going on in his head. The times were changing, I knew it.
The peaceful Summer so far was coming to a close. I didn't know how he was going to deal with 6 teens in the house at one time, let alone be their tour guide. It was going to be interesting for sure.
As I mentioned I had not spent more than a weekend in the same house with his father since last August, it was now June.
I kept my cool the entire time that we were together in the Airport. Looking back how lucky I was that this was before 9-11.
We actually got to spend the two hours with him at the Airport before his plane took off. The moment he was no longer in site to me, going through the final boarding gate, I fell apart.
I was inconsolable, I could not stop crying and literally did not want to talk to his father if I could help it. First of all, I was not totally prepared for Matt to be flying across the world at 15, he had been our constant companion his entire life. Second,
I did not know what to expect from being alone with his Dad. That was equally as terrifying to me.
We walked away from Matt's gate, and headed to another airline and boarded a plane back to Los Angeles. I wasn't even happy
to be going back to the Malibu house. What would my house be like without the most important aspect of it? Without Matt home, it simply wasn't a home.
It seemed like it took forever to get back to Malibu. Between the hour flight, the hour long limo drive and all of my mixed emotions, I was exhausted when we walked into the door. It was no later than 4pm and I went to bed. I could not speak and I knew if I were awake all hell would break loose. Bob really had no tolerance for not being spoken to unless I wasn't awake.
I must say, he was so kind and understanding, I certainly didn't expect it. I wasn't really thinking about how he was feeling, because he hadn't spent that much time with him the past school year. I on the other hand was with him every day. I felt like someone had ripped my guts out and locked me in a cage.
All I could think about was, "how could I have allowed him to go?" Then logic would set in and I would remember how proud of him I was. I just had to wait it out until he called. I would have to wait for almost 20 hours. It was an eternity I can assure you.
So I slept, or pretended to be asleep until that call came.
It was sometime in the middle of the night when the phone rang. Bob of course was not sleeping, and jumped for the phone.
There was no need to wake me, I was awake, just thanking the Lord above that he had made it.
The moment I heard Matt's voice I felt better. He was so sweet and he was apologizing for taking so long to call home,
What I realized at that moment as he was telling me how he had managed to change trains and translate for the two girls he was with in order to get from the Airport to the city they were going to, that he would be fine. Even at 15 he had the sensibility and the experience to navigate his way around an airport and a train station. At that moment I was so happy that we had traveled with him all those years. He was a very savvy traveler indeed.
He told me that he had been to a special dinner, honoring Him and the two girls at a temple someplace. He said that he had been sining Karaoke and been given sake to drink as a customary welcome. I was so happy. It was so wonderful to hear the joy and excitement in his voice, I was relieved. He hung up and for the first time in oh so many hours, I was ok and talked to
Bob about what Matt had told me. We were both relieved.
I know it's weird because we were only going to be apart for a little over a month but at the time it seemed like those weeks and days would never end. We didn't do anything special while Matt was gone, just hung around the house, went to AA meetings, dinners, movies and I of course made myself very busy fixing up the deck, painting etc. Busy work.
Bob was Bob. He started his day late, had breakfast took a book out to the pool and worked on his tan. Then he would go to the gym and come back shower and we would go out for dinner, movies or whatever.
It never dawned on me at that point just how boring our days really were. Before we left to go up North, I had started a little design company. I was always so busy hand beading beautiful silk velvet throws, but that pretty much ended when we moved.
I actually had to search for things to do. Too much time on my hand was never a good thing. I was great at avoiding conflict.
Bob did not have much sobriety under his belt and was always just on the verge of yet another dry drunk. I lived on egg shells.
He was pretty much on his best behavior, maybe he missed me while we were away, who knows? All I know was that I was grateful for the serenity and did not tempt rocking the boat.
Now that we had moved Matt to a school in Northern California, the only friends we seemed to have left around Malibu were Bob's AA friends. I liked them all alot, but because he had been slipping on and off, he didn't want to hang out with any of them. He always felt he was being judged by them. Who knows why. I never really knew how much drinking or pill use he really was into that first year. All I know is that he wasn't drinking at the moment and I was grateful it didn't come up again.
The end of July came around very fast and it was time to return to Northern California to pick Matt and his host student.
The way the exchange program went was Matt went to stay at a home and then return with the boy he had stayed with.
Of course I was more than ready to get back there.
We went a few days early and cleaned the house and filled the refrigerator with a ton of food for their return. The two girls Matt had traveled with were also coming back with the kids they stayed with. Everyone was once again at the Airport together
waiting. We made plans with the other families to get all the students together again before we took Matt and his friend back to LA. Little did I know that Matt had told everyone that they could all come to Malibu with us and see our Studio.
You have to understand just how excited those kids were to go to Hollywood and then to top it off, they were going to get a private tour of the Sunset Gower Studios by this kid's family. Of course I had no idea that was in the works until they all landed.
When Matt finally came off the plane and into customs it seemed like an hour had passed but there he was. He had lost about
15 pounds. It's not that he was heavy before, but I wasn't ready to see him so thin. He had a strange look on his face as he hugged us and said hello.
He later told me that it was weird hearing our voices and English again. The city he had been in he had little opportunity to either hear anyone speak English or even speak it himself. He was sort of displaced. Culture shock I guess not to mention their hours were all messed up. Matt and Takou were exhausted. When they got home they barely stayed awake for an hour and both crashed. Bob and I were once again left alone in a sense. Only now we were in Foster City, a place that he had never felt comfortable, a place where he was on shaky ground. I could sense the rumblings of discomfort going on in his head. The times were changing, I knew it.
The peaceful Summer so far was coming to a close. I didn't know how he was going to deal with 6 teens in the house at one time, let alone be their tour guide. It was going to be interesting for sure.
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